The first thing that caught my attention was the title of your book. More specifically, the visual presentation. What was the meaning behind that? Tell me about it.

Funny you should ask about the title! I pitched—and sold—my book with the title Graveyard of Safe Choices. This earlier title reflected an important theme in the book related to a pattern of making safe choices in my life—and my determination to live differently going forward. The marketing team at my publisher was less enamored with this graveyard title and eventually told me it wasn’t going to fly. They were concerned that a book with that title might be perceived as “potentially being a bummer of a story”! I brainstormed new titles with some writer friends and fellow book coaches and The Only Way Through Is Out emerged as the winner. I love the play on words with “Out” in the title and the twist on the more well-known phrase “The only way out is through.” And the cover that the designer created was a lovely callback to the theme of safe choices—executed with much more eloquence than the original graveyard idea!

When you look at all the moments in your life, what led to your decision to capture this moment in time to pen as your memoir?

I wrote first to understand this profound—and confusing—time in my life; to make meaning out of an experience that literally changed my life. As I wrote and began to connect the dots, I knew that my story wasn’t just for me. In the end, I wrote the book I wished I’d had when I was coming to terms with my truth and struggling to decide what to do about it.

You were very forthcoming with your feelings towards your best friend while you were married. How to did you reconcile your marriage vs the fantasy of life with her? I knew I felt very strongly about my best friend Reenie, but I wasn’t able to name or label those feelings at the time. What was going on all seems so obvious now, but I was in deep denial. Clearly I was having an emotional affair—at least from my perspective—athough I wasn’t able to own that until much later.

From an outsider point of view, I was surprised by your reaction to how your husband reacted. Putting yourself in his shoes, would you have done or said anything differently? I don’t want to speculate about what I would have done or said differently—it’s truly impossible to know. What I can say is that I feel very fortunate that my husband navigated this difficult journey with kindness and grace toward me. I am truly grateful for that.

You mentioned that you never thought about involvement with a woman before Reenie. There was something about her that ignited this desire to be with her. Why did you wait so long? Do you regret sharing your feelings post what transpired? I firmly believe that we come to terms with our truth, whatever that truth is, when we are ready. For some reason, I wasn’t ready until I was! I have absolutely no regrets about sharing my feelings with Reenie, despite that being one of the hardest conversations I’ve ever had. I’m now living my best life—and without taking that step, I can’t imagine I’d be where I am today.

If your husband didn't go on that trip, do you think you would've had the courage to liberate your truth? Do you think you would've come out had you not met Reenie? I’ve certainly asked myself some of these “what if” questions! Through the process of writing my memoir, I looked back on my life and saw plenty of signs that I was attracted to women before Reenie—that being queer was my truth. I’d like to think that my true self would have come out somehow, some way, even if I hadn’t met Reenie.

How do you see life now post coming out? How did your friends and family react to your coming out, and were there any surprising or unexpected responses that you encountered? I feel like I’m finally living fully—that for the first time. my personal and professional lives are aligned. I’m grateful for all the good in my old life, but now there’s a new freedom and lightness I feel being fully myself. The majority of people in my life were supportive when I came out—although as readers will learn in the book, there were some who questioned me and/or did not understand how I could possibly walk away from my very nice established life.

In a time where it's difficult to have a great support system, the Lalas seem to have given you a sense of purpose and fulfillment. From your own journey with therapy and support groups, any recommendations for anyone looking to feel supported? Finding your people, your community, is absolutely essential to any journey that involves a big change. If you know like-minded people in real life, fantastic! Don’t hesitate to lean on them. When I first began questioning my sexual identity, I didn’t know a single other person who was going through what I was going through, which felt very lonely and isolating. I found my community first online, and later in person. Keep looking and reaching out until you find those people! Likely, they will be a lifeline for you, as they were for me.

What advice do you have for others who may be considering coming out later in life? After I came out to myself, I had to decide what to do with this seismic revelation. I spent months searching for an answer that didn’t involve pain–for my husband and my family, and for myself. What I ultimately realized is that there is no answer without pain. There’s pain if you stay in the life you know and there’s pain if you leave. But there is also deep joy on the other side when you are finally living authentically, when you are living fully as yourself. Get support from others—AND trust what you are hearing inside of yourself. And if you’re worried that it’s too late for you to come out, I hope you’ll find inspiration in my story. It’s never too late to live out loud, and it’s never too late for a new beginning.

Where can readers find you to connect with you? Readers find me on Instagram @urstoryfinder and also learn more about me and my book at https://www.yourstoryfinder.com/books.

Learn more about her book:

Suzette Mullen had been raised to play it safe—and she hated causing others pain. With college and law degrees, a kind and successful husband, two thriving adult sons, and an ocean-view vacation home, she lived a life many people would envy. But beneath the happy facade was a woman who watched her friends walk boldly through their lives and wondered what was holding her back from doing the same.

Digging into her past, Suzette uncovered a deeply buried truth: she’d been in love with her best friend—a woman—for nearly two decades—and still was. Leaning into these “unspeakable” feelings would put Suzette’s identity, relationships, and life of privilege at risk—but taking this leap might be her only chance to feel fully alive. As Suzette opened herself up to new possibilities, an unexpected visit to a new city helped her discover who she was meant to be.

Introspective, bittersweet, and empowering, The Only Way Through Is Out is both a coming-out and coming-of-age story, as well as a call to action for every human who is longing to live authentically but is afraid of the cost.

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