Over the last 30 years as a psychiatrist, I’ve witnessed a dangerous trend. Despite advances, women of all ages still struggle with speaking up and standing up for themselves. We think it’s improving, but it’s not. It’s also why women often don’t get what they want from men. This isn’t just an issue for my wonderful patients. It’s global, and we need a new revolution to create change. That’s why I wrote my award-winning new book, Be Your Own Brand of Sexy; A New Sexual Revolution for Women. I want to support the women who will never walk into my office but still need a helping hand.

These days, many of us make decisions in our love lives based on what we think a “modern woman” should do. We tell ourselves that being strong, capable, independent women means that we should ask men out, take the lead, and even open our own doors rather than accepting help from a man. We worry that wanting romance or courtship means we’re weak or passive. We can be so focused on gender equality that we end up having sex without the commitment we want, moving in with a man without the engagement we want, or paying on dates when we want the guy to pay—all because we want to be politically correct. It just doesn’t work for many of us.

We forgot the meaning of liberation: the freedom to choose for yourself. We need a new revolution that encourages each woman to decide what’s best for her, regardless of cultural messages.

The surprising secret to love and happiness is being your own Brand of Sexy. That means figuring out:

What you want.
What works for you and what strategies will help you get the kind of relationship you want.
How to stand up for yourself in constructive ways.

Here are four reasons why being your own Brand of Sexy is better than being politically correct:

What’s politically correct may not be emotionally correct for you. Just because we can have casual sex and ask men out doesn’t mean those are the best choices for all women. We are built for attachment, which means that casual sex doesn’t work for many women. Being your own Brand of Sexy means figuring out and doing what works for you.
Being your own Brand of Sexy gives you power. Many of us think that the more sex we have the more empowered we are, even if we don’t feel completely comfortable with it. Real power is knowing what works for you and having the courage to stand up for yourself.
Being your own Brand of Sexy makes dating fun. Whether you are looking for love later in life, a young woman trying to find her way in the college hookup culture, or anyone in between, dating can be fun, if you do it on your terms. All women—including you—can feel confident, comfortable, and in control.
You will get what you want! The Single Woman’s 12-Piece Dating Toolbox gives you the strategies to find love and happiness. You don’t have to settle for unsatisfying hookups or disrespectful men. If you’re ready to stop being hurt, frustrated, or disappointed by men, throw out your old dating rulebook, and make way for your own Brand of Sexy!

Join the Revolution! Be your own Brand of Sexy!

Not sure if you are being your own Brand of Sexy? Click here to take a mini version of the dating quiz from my book!

About Dr. Edelman

Susan L. Edelman, MD is a psychiatrist specializing in women’s issues, dating, and relationships. She is the author of the new award-winning book, Be Your Own Brand of Sexy: A New Sexual Revolution for Women. She is an Adjunct Clinical Associate Professor in the Psychiatry Department at Stanford.

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